Go away! Mornings aren’t welcome here

Dear God, mornings arrive too early during the school year.

I vowed this summer to have a better attitude about. Even if I wanted to rage ’shut the hell up already’ at the alarm clock or bludgeon Mr. Coffee with a wooden spatula until he spit the brew out faster – I’d not let the kids know.

I’d be chipper and welcome them into the day with love.

Of course, it would be challenging. Jay and Craig are as happy to see the first rays of light as they are having squished dog poo between their bare toes. I’d have to be the shiny leader amongst the grousers.

I’d have to set the example.

Of course, on the first day of school, I overslept.

Lucky for me Jay was already up and dressed. He greeted me good morning and noted I was up late.

I tried to reciprocate – but I’m not sure I mumbled even a single word in response as I shuffled to the coffee pot.

Dang, not a good start.

Look, I know who I am and what I’m capable of. I wasn’t expecting miracles. My boys will never wake up to the warm scents of blueberry pancakes, bacon and eggs for breakfast (unless it’s noon on a Saturday). I won’t be ironing their clothes or packing their lunches. They’re thrilled if I remember to shove an oatmeal bar and lunch money into their hands.

Not that they’d go without — they’d just serve themselves.

I just thought I could give them some undivided attention and time, have small heart-to-heart chitchats and help them get the day started right. I wanted to create special moments for them to remember mornings by – not just have visions of a frumpy, cranky, freaky-haired mom slapping the snooze button and crying for her coffee.

That wasn’t any way to grow up.

Well, the morning might have been blown for Jay, but there was still Craig. I could do better.

I would do better – after I chugged some more caffeine.

Let me just say Craig was not thrilled with my attempts to gently wake him up with a kiss and backrub.

He screamed and cried. “Nooooo. More night night. Want sweep.” He flopped, flailed and squinched his eyes tight. “Noooo. Light off, I sweeeep.”

He acted out how I felt.

Ugh.

What was I thinking? We just aren’t morning people. And we never will be.

Poor kid, I might as well have been trying to make apples fall upward.

The next morning it was back to the alarm slapping, coffee slurping, wild-haired usual.

Crazed and cranky? Yes. Let those who can shine in the morning. The rest of us will find our special moments by the moonlight.

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