There’s life after foreclosure. I know, because I’m living it.
As I sit here, surrounded by flat cardboard waiting to be taped into boxes, mounds of laundry scattered and trampled into soft carpet, garbage bags full of toy scraps, battered and ripped children’s books interspersed with black shriveled and stiff banana peels, I’m relieved.
Yes, relieved.
Three years ago we moved back to Fresno to be near family, a new job and a chance to purchase our first home. The relocation wasn’t decided on lightly. It took much consideration to leave a town we loved. Even more difficult was trying to judge how the change would affect our oldest son who was challenged with autism.
Purchasing a home was easier than pulling money out of my 401k for the closing costs. The difficulty was in paying the monthly mortgage. But that was OK. We were finally living the American Dream. This was how it worked.
At least that was what I was raised to believe. You purchased a home knowing it would be financially difficult for awhile. The first few years you slave to the mortgage, pinch pennies and cut out extras and, after a few pay raises, it got easier. In about five years you breathe again, feel proud to own a home and watch rental rates soar above your monthly mortgage payment and know you did good.
What I didn’t factor in was multi-year wage freeze, a pay cut, becoming pregnant after 15 years infertility, living in the hospital for a month and missing a house payment. That and my house didn’t gain value, it plummeted. In less than two years it was valued 130,000 dollars less than purchase price.
Really, who could predict that?
The fix wasn’t simple, nor expected to be. Thankfully, the bank was willing to work with us. As money-strapping as the mortgage was, we’d pay an additional large sum every month until we became current. That meant even some of the basics had to be cut. Trips to the grocery store would be sparse and Top Ramen would be our once-again friend. Starbucks became a fuzzy memory and a precarious tightrope act began on what bills to pay and what to delay.
Each month was more difficult. Complicating it further were accrued late fees, penalties and insane electric bills. Another phone call to the mortgage company introduced us to the Home Affordability Mortgage Program (H.A.M.P.). If we just called this other number we might qualify for help.
Reaching these folks was its own frustrating adventure of busy signals, two hour hold times that abruptly disconnected. It took months to make contact with a human.
Still we persevered, jumped hoops, faxed and FedEx’d requested paperwork and were elated to find out we qualified for the trial period. Finally, hope and relief!
That was the beginning of the real tailspin.
“What do you mean you won’t take my payment?” I was stunned. The voice on the other end didn’t make sense. Why didn’t they want my money? “I don’t understand.”
The bank representative said, “You’ve been dropped from the program and it’ll take 14,000 dollars to bring your account current.”
What in the hell? Clearly, she was wrong. “This isn’t right. I’ve been making payments.”
“Yes, but you’ve been dropped from H.A.M.P. and now need to bring the account current. Partial payments aren’t accepted.”
“OK, so that still doesn’t explain why I owe fourteen grand. Where did my money go?” WTF did they do with it?
She muttered something about a suspended account.
All I know is while I was partially one month behind when this started. Now, I was close to seven months behind and never going to catch up. I needed more information and was transferred to an account manager. Well, to her voice mail anyhow.
This happened several times. What I pieced together from the first-tier reps and the internet are my payments went into a suspended account and weren’t applied to the mortgage. If I qualified for the permanent plan, those months would be been forgiven or rolled into the loan or something. The money can’t be applied to what is currently owed and I won’t get it back. Yet, when I lose at the house at auction, the bank keeps it. This also applies to any overage in the escrow account.
Essentially, I lined the pockets of the bank while they moved closer to foreclosure. At least that is what it seems like.
So yeah, my credit is trashed, the bills are really late or unpaid, and I can kiss my home goodbye. I could be crying, but really I just feel relieved.
We’ll start over. A rented house is still a home as long as I’ve got my family. And, with rent being almost half our mortgage, we can now invest in other ventures like karate and gymnastics, family trips, music lessons, and college for the kids. Perhaps even an occasional date night can be squeezed in.
The shackles are off and we now wander free from the house we slaved to own. I’ve got a husband and kids to love, a life to lead, friends to meet, new neighbors to make and a book to write.
So goodbye American Dream. I’ve got new dreams now.
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I know this was hard for you, but given the relief of stress that it gave you in the end…I don’t know…it just seems better.
I rent, people always talk about how ‘you should own’ and I have to tell them…I don’t want the hassle…and REALLY is anything made of heirloom quality anymore? What would my kids really inherit, a broken down beatup house that would be cheaper to demolish than buy new. This is a disposable society that doesn’t really make it worth the stress to invest in a purchase of a house. At least that’s how I see it.
Have a pretty coffee now and again and breathe a sigh of relief.
*hugs*
Thank you Ligeia. We should meet some day and have a pretty coffee together
Home will be in Tower soon, you around there?
I’m out in Lemoore, but I make trips into Fresno fairly frequently… I would love to meet you
Yes, that would be fantastic! You know how to find me online to meet up when you are around.
Nicely written. I can relate to so much of what you have written. I ended up with a stint in the hospital, the ex decided he’d stop paying child support, my wages were cut because of the economy, my health insurance costs and deductibles increased, oh yeah, the ex also stopped providing health insurance for his son…the list goes on and on. So far I’m current on the home, but I’m struggling to stay afloat. Some things really are out of our control and when we surrender to that, we find a relief. Thanks for sharing your story.
Thank you for sharing yours Cindy. There’s so many of us going through this process and the emotions can be pretty tough. It’s a mess for so many and I hate to think of anyone going through this alone. The relief was surprising, but so very welcome. Many good wishes to you and your son.
Sending you good vibes girlfriend. When one door closes, another will open!
Thank you Clare! We’ve been so fortunate in every other area, and doors have already opened. One of those is having supportive friends like you!
Change is hard because people overestimate the value of what they have—and underestimate the value of what they may gain by giving that up.
James Belasco and Ralph Stayer
Flight of the Buffalo
Fantastic words and advice. Love it.
Brilliant post. I am so freaking sorry that the banks are such asshats.
Yes. Hats made of ass.
All of them.
LOL! TY Traci.
Brilliantly written, Gen. It deserves a large audience.
Love you Bon. This means so much coming from you. Made my day — no, my year
.
I think you’ve nailed it: it’s not really “the” American Dream; it’s “an” American Dream. One of many. I know you’ll achieve another
Yes, I like that. An ‘an’ and not a ‘the’ and I’ve got many dreams yet. Thank you Edenza.
Home ownership is REALLY tough these days. I can’t believe the bank did that with your money though! How is that even possible?!? You certainly seem to be taking it better that I would be, although I can definitely see how it is a relief in the end.
Hugs!
Yes, that was the most shocking part to me. No one mentioned that bit of info and the pitfalls if they drop you from the trial program and not finalize. We’re moving today. A lesson learned and, as someone mentioned on Facebook, we’re survivors. Better than that even.
Genevieve: Thank you for sharing your story in the Bee with so many of us poor sorry suckers-I, too, spent Xmas 2008 on my back, looking at the ceiling, saying, coulda, shoulda, woulda, as my husband got a 20% pay cut and our house lost 30% of its value in 6 months. Other friends and family in other parts of the country have NO IDEA how much we regret this. The good thing is it is giving me the backbone to just be willing to turn the key and walk into the next and maybe last good opportunity that we may get elsewhere. And for those unfriendly geriatrics that make up our neighborhood, those that complain about our lawn when they have no idea how stretched we are and how close we are to walking, good riddance.
Well, they should, coulda been nice to be of help in that area. Friendly neighbors create a community everyone wants to be a part of … that’s what I’m learning about our new digs. Life is an adventure and we’re not our bank account, credit score or collection of late notices. Good people are defined by more valuable parameters. Thank you so much for taking the time to stop and comment. I was braced for criticism for tossing in the mortgage towel, but had hoped to reach others in the same crisis. I’m so glad to have made that connection.
Thank you so much for your article in the Fresno Bee. During this time in our life losing or selling our home could be a possiblity. We continue to talk about that it is just a home and we have each other, but it still would be a loss. You helped us to really look at it differently. Your article is on my bullentin board to remind us that in this place or a different one, smile, we have each other and life is an adventure.
Dianne, I read your comment last Sunday — the first morning we woke up in our new home. It was overwhelming and wonderful to read on such an eventful day. Thank you for sharing your story and I wish you much success on your adventure, wherever that leads.
Hi Genevieve, Thanks for sharing your experience. I’ve been living in Loan Mod Limbo for almost 12 months now and the stress is horrific. Knowing that these banksters aren’t going to do the right thing makes us hold on tighter those we love and hopefully in the end will even make us stronger. My best to you and your family.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It’s so frustrating that the banks are using the programs set up to help us are being used to cause more damage.
Genevieve, I truly appreciate you sharing your story and your spirit. We went through a financial crisis a few years back when I was laid off and we both had a challenge finding work. It was tough, so I know this time was not easy for you – to say the least. Cheers to you and your family for taking this life changing event and making it life affirming.
I read a great quote the other day: If you’re brave to say “goodbye,” life will reward you with a new “hello.” – Paulo Coelho
Cheers to many and BETTER hellos for you and your family.
Hugs!!
Lakeitcha
Oh my goodness. You just never know who’s being affected by a financial crisis. Thank you for sharing and taking the time to comment. It’s my hope that more people will talk and work through the emotional aspects of this and that someone starts asking the bank questions about wth they’re doing.