Gena Kirby and daughter

Oh man, it’s hard to feel confident choosing products for my children while being barraged with fear-marketing and dramatic it-will-harm-them headlines.

Do we really need a hands-free soap dispenser because the push-top on typical dispensers can collect germs? Lysol seems to think so. And what’s up with organizations parenting my parenting? It was a real pain to find a bathtub seat and walker for my youngest child – two items that were must-haves with my boys, now ages 17 and 6.

And oh goodness, admitting I use those items, happily, subjects me to all kinds of judgmental looks and comments. But guess what? So what. I’m a responsible enough parent to know not to leave my baby unattended in the tub, seat or no seat. And I’m not tempted to put the baby in her walker where she can tumble down stairs. Even if I had a two-story home, I still wouldn’t because that’s just common sense.

It breaks my heart that babies were harmed or killed while using those products. However, if used appropriately and with the right supervision, are they still so inheritably dangerous?

That’s not to say parents shouldn’t be cautious and on alert. There are some incredibly valid, and detrimental, health issues if your child decides to snack on lead-paint chips. Really, those are never safe to nosh.

I’m the first to admit my fear of SIDS and appreciated, and utilized, the recent suggestions of circulating air with a fan, using a pacifier, and placing baby on back to slumber. And if the highchair is known to topple, sorry Graco, that should be taken seriously too. But does that mean because one highchair was designed badly, we declare all highchairs evil and ban parents from ever purchasing one again? Do we boycott the company even if they’re behaving swiftly and responsibly to solve the problem?

I think it’s time to savvy up to the paranoia and fear-mongering. It’s time to look more at the facts than the pumped-up sensation and knee-jerk emotional responses provoked.

As a parent, I want the fact-based information so I can make an informed choice. When the uproar over wearing a baby in a sling erupted, and aftershocks rumbled about attachment parenting and co-sleeping, I contacted Gena Kirby, who sits on the Attachment Parenting International Board of Directors, for an interview.

1. What should moms know about Attachment Parenting (AP) and what are the biggest misconceptions?

Attachment Parenting is summed up best for me by Dr. John Gottman. He says, “The key to successful parenting is not found in complex theories; elaborate family rules, or convoluted formulas for behavior. It is based on your deepest feelings of love and affection for your child and is demonstrated simply through empathy and understanding.

“Good parenting begins in your heart, and then continues on a moment-to-moment basis by engaging your children when feelings run high, when they are sad, angry, or scared. The heart of parenting is being there in a particular way when it really counts.”

Attachment parenting misconceptions? One of the biggest is that AP mommies are passive and let their kids do whatever without discipline. Sometimes they think we are a by-the-numbers group and we parent exactly the same way.

2. We hear all about the dangers of co-sleeping and, recently, wearing your child in a sling. Are there ways moms can do this safely and with confidence?

Oh yes, babies sleeping by themselves is a relatively new practice. To put it into perspective, it’s just in the last hundred years that we’ve started sleeping without our children. Bed sharing with an infant is healthy and safe in most cases. However, there are times when parents should use a basinet or crib instead.

I recommend reading Dr. James McKenna’s fantastic book Sleeping with Your Baby. Until then, here are some guidelines of when you should NOT bed share and some safe-sleeping environment tips.

Do not share your bed with an infant if:

• You use alcohol or drugs. Using any substances that interfere with your judgment or level of consciousness at night will interfere with your ability to be aware of your baby. This includes over the counter medication.

• You smoke. A higher risk of SIDS has been associated with parental cigarette smoking and bed sharing.

• You have a poor sleeping surface. Sharing sleep with your baby should not be done on a couch, recliner, water bed or any location where the infant could become wedged between the surface and the parent.

If your baby sleeps with you:

• Breastfeed your baby. Breastfeeding mothers spend more time in lighter stages of sleep, making them more aware of their baby. They also tend to sleep in a protective position (with knees bent upward) that prevents baby from moving down under the covers.

• Place baby next to mom, rather than between mother and father.

• Use approved side rails or bed extenders when placing baby in the family bed. Fill in any crevice between the bed and walls or furniture with a rolled up baby blanket or towel. Placing the mattress on the floor (like a futon) creates the safest possible sleep environment.

• Only primary caregivers should sleep with an infant. Do not allow baby sitters or older siblings to sleep with the baby.

The following are research-based guidelines that Attachment Parenting International (API) recommends:

• Place your baby to sleep on her back. This helps protect your baby from SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome).

• Choose a firm mattress, free of fluffy bedding, bumpers and stuffed animals. Never place your baby – or fall asleep with your baby – on a couch, recliner, beanbag chair, fold out couch, inflatable bed or water bed to sleep.

• Keep baby cool. Adjust clothing and room temperature to keep baby from overheating. UNICEF recommends a temperature of between 60-64 degrees Fahrenheit for night-time sleep.

• Use a fan in the room where baby sleeps to help circulate air and maintain a cooler environment.

Okay onto baby wearing …

I’m glad you asked this question. There are so many benefits to wearing your baby in a sling, if you are cautious and use common sense, wearing your baby will be good for you and your baby.

Baby wearing benefits include:

• Promotes and strengthens parent’s emotional bond with their baby.

• Babies cry less when worn or held.

• Holding helps regulate your baby’s temperature and heart rate.

• Baby feels more secure.

• The movement that naturally results from carrying your baby stimulates his neurological development.

Just be aware, baby wearing is like many other activities: The benefits are numerous but it is still necessary to follow safe practices.

3. How do you communicate with pediatricians who don’t support, or don’t understand, attachment parenting practices?
If you see a pediatrician that doesn’t support your beliefs as a parent, I would suggest you seek a new pediatrician. If he/she doesn’t understand, give them a copy of Attached at the Heart by Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker. The book explains Attachment Parenting and backs up all Eight Principals with sound science and evidence.

4. When did you become aware of attachment parenting and become involved in educating parents about it?

After the birth of our first daughter we began implementing the principals of Attachment Parenting, only we didn’t know it at the time.

We felt compelled to have her near us, so the bed sharing and baby wearing was natural. I wanted to nurse, and so I did. When the baby cried, I picked her up.  Spanking, or hitting, my daughter was something I knew I didn’t want to do.

It wasn’t until she was about a year old that we heard about Attachment Parenting. I can’t tell you how thrilling it was to know that there were other parents out there that were doing what we were and it had a name!

We only started to share what we learned after we opened our store Mommy Matters in Fresno, California. After so many women asked me, in a whisper, if I shared a bed with my baby and told me their parenting decisions weren’t supported by their families, I started writing about Attachment Parenting. Next thing I knew, I was talking about it the radio on my own program called Progressive Parenting. Then, I became a member on the Board of Directors for Attachment Parenting International.

5. Where can moms find more information and support groups?

Parents can find a fantastic support group in their area by going to Attachment Parenting International. Also, there’s Mommy Matters Online for online support and community.

If you are in the Fresno area, there’s also the Yahoo! Group Fresno AP Mommies.

Note: The information shared is given in good faith, based on Gena’s personal knowledge and experience. Make sure to discuss the information presented here with your health care provider.

Gena Kirby’s BIO:  Gena Kirby is a mother of three girls ages 11 months to 7 years. She is also a Doula,  La Leche League International Breastfeeding Peer Counselor and hosts the Mommy Matters Live! television show and Progressive Parenting radio show, as well as, sits on the Attachment Parenting International Board of Directors.  She can be reaches on Twitter, Facebook, MommyMattersOnline.com, or via email at mommymattersonline@sbcglobal.net

If you live in the Fresno area, stop by Mommy Matters Online Annex located at Ginkgo Tree Yoga.

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1. Babycenter.com

Whether you’re newly pregnant or already parenting a brood, Babycenter.com will send an email customized to your child’s development level. If you’re mama to more than one, you can get an newsletter for each child. Register for an account at Babycenter.com and fill out the appropriate info and check yes to emails. Voila!

2. HGTV.com

Addicted to gardening, shopping, design or decorating? This newsletter is fabulous and even pretty to look at. It is packed with info for any home or garden project you’d like to tackle. Often it’s geared towards the season and features a contest. If you need inspiration, start here! (Want a sneak peek? Look here.)

3. Etsy.com
Etsy encourages folks to buy hand-made. It’s hard not to drop a paycheck when this colorful, gorgeous newsletter hits the inbox. There are so many incredible finds … anything from a concrete water vessel (most of us call it a sink) to delightful baby items can be found. Did I mention this site is rockin’ for finding unique baby shower gifts that are sure to please? Seriously, check it out here. Want to purchase something fab and created by a local (Fresno) — check out these nursing covers. So much better than what’s in the big-brand stores. I have one in the purple swirl pattern.

4. MomsRising.org

Always wanted to know more about what was happening in politics, legislation, education and health care that affects families but didn’t have time to keep current with the latest? Momsrising.org is great at helping moms stay connected to what’s important to them and then taking it a step further with ways to take action. Taking action can be as simple as signing an online petition to finding out what’s happening in your community and getting involved. Sign up here.

5. HungryGirl.com

If you’re looking to lose some weight or find tasty food that won’t add a few, Hungry Girl’s daily newsletter is for you. It gives reviews on new products, lists best bets at restaurants and shares healthier versions of recipes and the latest news in diet food. Check it out.

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1. Laugh-until-your-ribs-hurt advice
Want someone sharper, wittier and just plain weirder than ‘Dear Abby’ to write to for guidance? Well, just ask Jenny Lawson, also known as The Bloggess. She tags herself as ‘Even less qualified than Dr. Phil.’ She’ll answer your question and chances are you’ll laugh yourself sore, but are you brave enough to follow her advice? (Well, maybe brave isn’t the right word … )

2. Finding grace in today’s busy lifestyle
Taking a moment to find grace, it seems a simple premise. We have busy, noisy lives and there are so many things on the checklist: the kids need help with homework, baby needs a new diaper, dinner needs cooking, someone has to clean those bathrooms and then there are bills to be paid, work, social obligations and so much more. After being worn down to the nub, it can make a girl cranky, snappy and just plain out of patience.

So when do we take a moment to ourselves and reflect and find those pieces of our lives that are positive and filled with grace? Blogger Schmutzie has created a community called “Grace In Small Things.” She created it as “a daily reminder to take notice of the positive things we tend to overlook.”

I gave it a whirl and you know, focusing, even briefly, on that speck or glob of positivity in the morning really helps make a zenful start to the day.

3. Someone who’s kid has been there
We all have those moments where our kids blurt out something incredibly, but horribly, honest. Blogger MomoFali shares her nearly daily antics, and the many ‘honest’ moments, of raising her children. As a public service announcement: Don’t drink milk while you’re reading her posts. Your nose will thank me.

4. Good for baby or good marketing?
It seems dreamy, a new formula — Enfamil’s “Restfull” — was created to help babies sleep longer during the night. What sleep-deprived parent doesn’t wish for more ZZZs? I know during my rounds of nursing, supplementing and pumping while my daughter was first home I might have felt desperate enough to try this. However, with full faculties now, I find it repulsive in the vein of soylent green. It seems really wrong making a baby feel full longer artificially. If nature dictated babies should wake up at night, isn’t there a valid biological reason, like needed nutrition, for doing so?

It wasn’t until I read blogger Dr. Mama, of Peaceful Parenting, that I became alarmed. According to her post, babies who sleep deep—or good sleepers — have a higher risk of SIDS. Formula-fed babies in general may have 2-3 times higher risk of the feared syndrome. So the two combined? Ugh. You can read the details here.

5. Create a special needs community
In my experience, information about local services, providers, school districts, doctors and more related to special needs can be very difficult to obtain. It seems like much of the information is passed in person and there are few websites or online communities that are geared to regions. If you’re finding this to be an issue – it’s very, incredibly easy to create your own network and without hiring a developer. In fact, if you can send email you can create a site through Ning.com. What does that look like? Check out the one created for California’s Central Valley here.

Members can blog, share photos and videos, post events and participate in discussion groups. It’s a great way to get all that knowledge you have of your area and share it with others searching. And it’s also a fantastic way to get to know those in your special needs community better.

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2. You can sling your baby and co-sleep safely. Yes, you can.

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Cross-posted from CentralValleyMoms.com

1. Bread machine
Remember the bread machine craze? You dump in the ingredients, push the button and two hours later a piping hot loaf was ready?

With todays climbing grocery prices, it’s time to start looking at more homemade price-saving options. Just last week I paid $5 for the indulgence of buttered carbohydrate bliss. However if bread is a staple in your family – think PB&J’s this summer for the kids – the cost point is just too high (without a really great sale) to purchase often.

As much as I love the flavor and cost of homemade bread, I just don’t have the time (or inclination) to make it on a regular basis. The bread machine is a great fit for busy moms and you can find recipes online.

Now that the fad is over, check your local yard sales this weekend and buy one on the cheap.

2. Bicycle
Gas prices are staggering. It hurts to watch the dollar amount roll as the tank fills. Folks I hate to tell you this, but it’s not going to get better anytime soon. The cheaper route is self-powered transportation. That means riding a bike.

If biking to work is unreasonable, think about regular nearby travel destinations. Cycling to those will help reduce the amount of gas used each week.

Get the kids involved too. Go on a family trip to the neighborhood grocery store. Use a bike trailer (another great yard sale find) to help haul home the bounty.

Schedule pedaling-trips to the library, park, and mall. While you’re saving money and bonding, you’re also exercising and sparing the air. It’s a win-win situation.

Just remember to keep it safe. Plan your trips during the cool part of the day, take along plenty of water, wear helmets and obey traffic rules.

3. Coffee Maker and Mug
Oh coffee, glorious wondrous coffee! How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

Coffee is a morning must for many moms. However if you work outside the home, chance is you’re stopping by Starbucks way too often to be budget friendly. Buy a second-hand maker and take it into the office. Get the coworkers to take turns buying the beans, flavored syrup and creamer. It’ll save everyone a bundle.

The local coffee house is also a great, but pricey, meet up location for moms. Ditch the expense. Grab your bike, trailer, and toddlers and then pedal to a predetermined place — like a friend’s house — for a sip and chitchat. Take turns hosting so it’s a fair expense for everyone.

4. Haircut clippers
Yes, I know what you’re thinking, “Cut my kid’s hair? You’re nuts!” Now I’m not saying tackle your daughters and give them a buzz (though trimming their bangs with scissors could be cost-effective), this one is for the boys.

My sister-in-law is the first person I’ve known to do this. She’s been clipping her son’s hair for years. After the first practice session you’d never know this kid’s mom was his stylist.

CentralValleyMoms.com blogger Lisa Boyles mentions it’s a great deal even if you buy the clippers new. They pay for themselves after two haircuts. Most clippers come with a how-to video, so you won’t be totally hacking it.

5. Children’s Clothes
You can pick up children’s clothes for a fraction of the cost at yard sales. Because of the fast rate babies and toddlers grow, often you can find items that look brand new and sport the latest style.

Donna Freedman, writer at MSN’s Smart Spending blog, shares some advice:

“Many people who shop yard sales are looking for kids’ clothes but surprisingly buy just one or two items. I tend to shop for them late in the day and offer a lowball price for everything in specific sizes.”

In today’s economy it’s time to move past the ‘used’ stigma and save some bucks.

So there you have it, five ways yard sales can help ease your budget. So go out this weekend and SHOP to save.

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